Just Another Day For Professor Binns
by renandli
Summary: History of Magic is the most boring class ever. Until 8 over-stressed kids lose their damn minds and figure out a better use for the time. Set during Snape's reign. MA for language and sexual content. not appropriate. enjoy. not seamus/neville they just do most of the talking


The Gryffindors and Ravenclaws had History of Magic together, even with the two houses, only eight students were sitting in the terraced classroom. For the past six years HOM had been a fairly useless class, what with the teacher being dead. Day after day, Professor Binns continued to drone on at the front of the classroom, as his students attempted to stay awake. More often than ever before, the students failed at this during their seventh year of his lecturing.

Today, Neville Longbottom was leaning back in his chair, neck stretched out as his face pointed toward the ceiling. The night before he had been forced to scrub the Entrance Hall on his hands and knees for calling Headmaster Snape 'a giant cocknostril' within hearing range of Pansy Parkinson. The she-devil practically danced on her way to tell on him. During his detention, Pansy sent all the Slytherin first years to Greenhouse #2, ordering them to carry handfuls of dirt back to her common room. Neville estimated that 90% of that dirt never made it that far.

So now he slept, mouth agape, while Seamus sat next to the kid considering whether to dick-face him. Seamus had a nice green ink that he was sure his Herbology-loving buddy would truly appreciate.

Seamus was just voting yes to that idea when Neville snored so loud he woke himself up. It was a violent snorting festival as Neville tried to figure out where he was. Coming to his senses, he did succeed in not falling out of his chair, which was nice. Neville looked around to see the entire class chuckling at him, except for Seamus who was poised with quill in hand and scowling. Neville was instantly suspicious, since Seamus never wanted to write anything down, not in this class. "What?"

"You have some luck on your side, today, Longbottom. A perfect situation ruined by that buzzsaw you call a nose." With disgust, Seamus threw his quill back on his desk, he certainly wasn't going to use it to take notes.

The fantastic thing about Binns as a teacher is that you never had to whisper. "Did you write on my face? Douche!" Neville smeared at the nonexistent ink he just knew was all over his face, checking his hands for color. Grateful to find none.

"Will you two monkeys stop it, some of us are trying to listen." Hannah Abbott had whipped around in her chair and flung her notebook at Seamus who caught the book with his upper lip. "I need to get good marks on my NEWTs, I will not have those incestuous fucking Carrows laugh at me if I get a Troll in History of Magic!" Anxiety made the preternaturally calm and collected Hannah shriek as she finished her sentence.

"How are you going to take notes now, you damn Banshee." Seamus held out the notebook like he was going to pass it back to the cute blonde. She stretched over the desks behind her to reach, giving both boys a good look down her button-up, not exactly on accident. Seamus' face fought between smiling and sneering as he peered down her top. "Like I'm going to hand back your ammunition. Go get it!" The notebook flew through the air like a frisbee, a perfect one-in-a-million toss caused it to slide under some abandoned furniture across the room.

"You motherfucker." Hannah spun in her chair and stomped off to retrieve it, muttering under her breath about not being able to just summon the book back. Wands were the only thing that could knock Binns out of his rhythm, even the ghost knew that no one needed a wand to take notes on the Goblin War of 1837.

"Good god, if I thought for a minute she'd go for it, I'd be all over her." Seamus wolf whistled as Hannah bent over to look under a tangle of chairs. Hannah shot him the finger.

"Not going to happen! Not even if you paid her. Not even with the strongest love potion. Not even in a locked room alone with her a vat of love potion." Neville tilted his head, trying to get a better angle to look at Hannah's booty.

"I'm pretty sure I'm insulted by your tone, Longbottom. No, I am SURE that you mean to insult me. Care to explain why you think it's so far-fetched you bumbling, farty toadstool?"

"Firstly, you are a complete manwhore."

"That's a little unfair to say."

"You fucked Lavender."

"Touche."

"Secondly, she's a goddess, a total babe. At best that would make you the scuzzy shit that comes out when you squeeze backne by comparison."

"I don't know if she's a...DAMN!"

Neville followed Seamus' eye line to view Hannah legs as the top half of her disappeared over the back of a chair. Her skirt was hitched up and the entire class got an eyeful of where her ass and thighs joined together. "Goddess, totally a goddess." Neville wondered if he was still dreaming since Hannah figured most prominently in his fantasies, "Pinch me."

Seamus reached over and viciously twisted the flesh on Neville's arm.

"Owwww! Don't be a tool, man!" Neville whacked Seamus on the shoulder before pressing his palm into the quickly bruising arm.

Seamus wiped some drool off his chin before laughing at his friend, "You told me to pinch you, wuss." He tugged at his tented pants as he returned to leering at Hannah.

"Seriously, do not twist off in the middle of class! Show some control." Neville turned away as Seamus pressed harder against his crotch. "This, by the way would be reason C that Hannah will never let you touch her..."

"You going to waste that hard-on, Seamus?" Parvati called from a few rows back, the entire room had tuned into the 'Neville and Seamus Show' by now. Not that Binns was much competition.

"You gonna moan and wiggle on my face before you run off again? You left me with blue balls that last time!" Seamus held up two fingers darting his tongue between.

Parvati dramatically rolled her eyes, "Why would I stick around after I got off? Get in touch with reality. Your stellar personality hardly thrills, and I have things to do."

Lavender cut in, "Like give Dennis Creevy a hand job in the library!" She and Padma laughed hard enough to fall out of their chairs, giving Ernie an excellent view of their knickers, neither bothered to cover up.

At the front of the room, next to Hannah's empty desk, Eloise Midgen added, "Strip poker with the Hufflepuffs, I heard."

From the floor, Padma called out another extracurricular activity, "Or a finger banging Susan Bones in the Owlery!"

"Like I said, I have things to do." Parvati didn't bother blushing cause it was all true.

"Quiet, wenches! I'm missing my-Eyowch!" Seamus had just turned his back on the disappointing harpies behind him, and instead of getting to view Hannah's delightful posterior, he felt her hand crack across his face.

"You are so disgusting!"

"MMMM, I like it rough, Abbott! If you wanna put that hand down my pants, I bet you'll feel nuts. And all that shit was about Parvati, go slap her. We could use a chick fight around here. That would definitely give me something to wank to."

Hannah blew a lock of hair out of her eyes as she sized up Seamus. "Everyone in this school knows that there is no pot of gold at the end of your rainbow, leprechaun. You're welcome." The class hooted at her snotty quip as she turned to Neville. "You really think, I'm a goddess?"

His first inclination was to lie, back pedal like a maniac. But, shit. She was standing right there; super hot, dusty from searching for her notebook, she just bitch-slapped the guy next to him before shutting him down with a decent joke.

"Goddess? More like, Oh My God, Yes!"

"Good answer." Hannah pushed Neville's desk sideways, clearing the way for her to straddle him and plant an open-mouthed kiss on his slack-jawed mouth. Passion tinged with a frantic energy, Hannah attacked Neville's face, her fingers tugging painfully at his hair.

Now, sure that he was dreaming but determined to take advantage of it, Neville ran his hands up under Hannah's skirt to grip her hips. Pushing and pulling, he rocked her body against the bulge in his pants. She paused licking his face long enough to unbutton her shirt, a white undershirt underneath, the shadow of a black bra underneath. Hannah took over rolling her hips, freeing him up to explore her body. A restrained moan came out as Neville's large hands cupped her chest and he buried his face between her breasts

As a whole, the class realized that this was the craziest shit any of them would ever experience. When Hannah Abbott, the sexiest prude many of them would ever meet, starts dry humping in the middle of class, it's probably a sign of the Apocalypse. And what would anyone do on the eve of Armageddon?

"Hey, Pravati, wanna sit on my cock?" Seamus scrambled over the desks to where Parvati was watching the grinding couple like a vulture watches a man crossing the Sahara. He slipped under the table, pushed her knees apart and stuck his face between her thighs. He got in a few long licks after shoving her knickers to the side before she slid off her chair and joined him on the floor. Parvati pulled Seamus' pants down to release his straining member before enthusiastically plunging him into her core, their motion made the desk above them jump erratically.

Parvati's panting also made Ernie's dick jump erratically. "Oi, Eloise! Wanna make out?"

Ernie had nourished a crush on Eloise for two years and made his move on this craziest of crazy days. He didn't even pretend to not be excited as his hands explored the soft school sweater under his hands while Eloise jammed her tongue down his throat. As long as Ernie wasn't talking, he made a decent date and was a remarkably good kisser.

"Damn, MacMillian! Do you practice on melons or something?" A string of spit hung between their lips as she broke apart to ask.

Panting heavily and moving a hand to the chub rub of her inner thigh, he responded, "I've been making out with my neighbor back home for the last five summers, kinda lame."

"Not really, I practice with my rabbi's son." She pulled him to her, sucking face.

A little surprised that Ernie chose the heavy brunette girl and not either of them, Padma and Lavender clinched with each other. They didn't want to be left out and it wasn't as if they hadn't rolled around together before. Lavender took control, levering her tongue into Padma's mouth. Lavender pushed even further as she snaked her hand into Padma's pants, expertly twirling around her clit Padma pulled open Lav's shirt to suckle on her large breasts, leaving purply marks scattered across the milky skin. Biting roughly as the talented fingers worked their magic.

"That will be enough for today class, I require 12 inches on the social and governmental changes that came about after the peace treaty concerning this chapter in the Goblin War. Class dismissed." Oblivious Professor Binns floated out of the room to have tea in the Professor's lounge. Another normal day.


End file.
